Well, I have just completed my year-long internship at St. Therese Institute of Faith and Mission, and despite the fact that there were many hills and valleys throughout the year, I certainly ended it with a victorious finish. Even though I was not at St. Therese for the entirety of the year (though that is another story which will later be explained), I was there for the majority of it, and was able to journey through the valleys and hills, partaking in the year in a very intentional way.
It is very fitting indeed that the Scripture verse for this particular year at St. Therese Institute was, "Taste and see the goodness of the Lord" (Psalm 34:8). How often do we forget to simply sit in the Lord's presence and "taste and see" his goodness? Yet this is precisely what we as staff and students were called to live out in a very particular way this year.
Even though there were times where it was hard to "taste and see", there were also moments where I could simply bask in the Lord's goodness. I think the moments where I was able to taste and see the goodness of the Lord most clearly were the times where I had done hidden acts of service and love. I can think of many occasions, throughout the year, where I spent numerous hours intentionally preparing snacks and treats for the community of students, and when I was able to see their reactions to the display of goods I had prepared, I beamed inside. This, as I realized, was what I was called to - to live out the "Little Way" through hidden acts of service. Funny, isn't it, how that was my mission statement from last year?
In all honesty, though, the year was not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Yet, there were certainly moments of grace and triumph that occurred, where I could "taste and see" in a distinctly different way. I can think back to a time in the fall where all of the students, interns, and some of the staff went out to the abbey in Muenster to pick potatoes with the Benedictines. It was such a fun and joyful experience. However, later that afternoon, I had to organize the dinner, which consisted of deep-fried potatoes (for poutine), as well as hot dogs, coleslaw, and a couple other things, but I was not well-prepared for all the students to come down to the kitchen. All that to say, I was extremely stressed that day, and I had made a couple mistakes in my work that one of my co-workers pointed out to me, (which I was aware of), but it still did not take away the sting of doing an imperfect job. I think that is something (having a perfectionist mindset) I realized I truly needed to work on that day...
I am also definitely guilty of taking on too much (work-wise and project-wise especially) for myself, which ends with myself being burnt out. I realized that the issue was not just taking on too much, but an issue of pride - more than likely, as even though I did not necessarily seek recognition in the things I did, I found satisfaction in completing all the tasks on my own, which, as I realized, was not a healthy mentality. So, I knew that my virtue I needed to grow in for the year would be humility. Through these particular struggles, God was showing me that He was purifying me, and that this realization was, in a way, an invitation from God to "taste and see".
It is ironic, in a certain sense, that the virtues that we think we have are often the ones we need to work on the most. Or, at least, if there are virtues that we want to grow in, God will certainly provide us with opportunities to do so. And oftentimes it is those exact moments where God is challenging us to grow in that particular virtue where we encounter Him most deeply. I think this is true in many regards.
Coming back to my story of Potato Day at St. Therese during the fall, I think it is even more clear that God was providing me with an opportunity to grow specifically in humility - in several ways. First, by recognizing the fact that I cannot do everything perfectly, and secondly, by acknowledging that I cannot do everything on my own, and will sometimes need to call on others for help, my expectations for myself became much closer to the reality of life - that we are called to live in true humility, not living in the delusions of perfectionism and pride, as harsh as that sounds.
However, the story does not end there. Although I know that I am not perfect, I know that I am called to grow in virtue. I am not called to remain stagnant, never achieving greatness. Rather, I am called to recognize my mistakes in humility, and move forwards, striving for virtue in bold confidence.
This is how we are all to be saints. There will certainly be particular things which we each struggle with individually, and yet, it is through countering those struggles by a persistent effort to grow in virtue, that we will overcome them. And, furthermore, in a somewhat paradoxical way, it is precisely those struggles which will lead us, if we truly try, to sanctity.
God knows that I deeply struggled with perfectionism for the longest time, and even though I have not fully overcome this struggle - it may in fact be a life-long journey - at least I can say, in truth, that I am slowly but surely learning to "taste and see the goodness of the Lord" - both in the joys, and in the struggles.
